She was 53.

She was 53.
A senior administrator at a large company.

Four days a week, she ran meetings.
Managed budgets.
Made decisions that affected hundreds of people.

The other three days,
she was on ketamine, alcohol, and blackouts.

When I sat across from her, she talked about anxiety.
Emotions that felt too big.
Too fast.
Too unpredictable.

She didn’t want to talk about the substances.
She came in to see the psychiatrist to adjust her medication.
A prescription she believed would make everything else unnecessary.

It’s rarely about the substance.

It’s about what happens
when you feel too much
and were never taught how to hold it.

What are you using to manage yours?